Welcome! How I found my way through grief to becoming a green death advocate

Welcome to the Green Home Funeral Planning Blog!

My name is Christine, and I would like to share a story with you. This story begins in 2016, a month before my wedding, when my father was diagnosed with stage four kidney cancer. My ex and I lost four of our eight parents and step-parents in the span of only twenty-two months, leading into the pandemic lock down.

A tale of two funerals:

In May of 2017, my ex-husband’s wonderful mother and stepfather were killed in a car accident while driving to visit family for a graduation party. This was six months after our wedding and a week after we returned from our honeymoon. Everyone was in shock.

My exes’ parents had nothing planned in case they were to die suddenly. Their will was 15 years old and the life insurance policies were poorly written. They had no funeral preferences written down. There was one cemetery plot that had been purchased in another state for him, that they could both occupy only if they were cremated.

Objectively, the executors and siblings made reasonable and informed decisions... but they were all grieving deeply. They planned a traditional Catholic funeral, had his parents cremated, and then buried twelve hours from where their family and friends lived.  Everything in his parents’ estate had to be liquidated and divided between the children from both of their previous marriages, this took four and a half years.

I don’t know what the monetary cost was, but the emotional price was devastating.

After my dad’s cancer diagnosis, he was able to fly from North Carolina to Kansas to spend the weekend celebrating my wedding. In the spring he helped us process the sudden tragedy that took my exes parents, and then cancer and its treatments slowly took his freedom and mobility.

We closed on our first home in December of 2017, Dad saw pictures of the house when I went for a visit over Thanksgiving that year... the last time I hugged him and saw him alive. My father passed away from a stroke caused by his experimental cancer treatments on Christmas Eve in 2017, and then his wife found out that she had terminal brain cancer in January of 2018.

In contrast to the experience my exes family had, my dad and his wife had everything for their funerals and end of life care mostly planned. Documents were filed with their attorneys, everyone knew their wishes for disposition and memorials. I was extremely grateful for my grandfather’s help with dad's memorial celebration.

My dad’s wife moved in with her family; and then to assisted living and hospice, who supported her through the end of her life until February 2020. Her family planned her memorial. I couldn’t attend due to the beginning of the Covid lockdown and all the restrictions on travel.

This experience was by no means as tragic as that of my exes family, but grief is painful no matter how it’s experienced and not having an opportunity to say goodbye is something I still struggle with years later.

Moving forward through grief:

This life path has shown me how painful death can be without plans, or with a plan that has been chosen for you. I have also seen how painful it can still be with a plan you chose without full knowledge of all the ways you can help ease your final transition for those you love.

In order to ensure I don’t continue this cycle of pain, I have specific requirements for my memorial service and body disposition that most people haven’t ever heard of. I am also making arrangements for my children in case something were to happen to me, because I want to know that they’ll be taken care of.

Since these experiences, I’ve been working to transmute this knowledge into the services I provide. We all will eventually die. I know no one want to leave their loved ones with an emotional or financial burden.

My dad and his wife would have been very interested in many of the environmentally friendly body disposition options I've found in my research. My exes’ parents would have benefited from the easy planning resources I've found and the coaching program I'm creating.

My experience can help you leave your loved ones in a place of peace, support, and continued love after you are no longer here with them. Your memory lives on long after you’re gone, and together we can design a plan to ensure that it is honored.

Did I mention we also had twins in May of 2019?

Next week I'll tell you all about the journey of parenting newborns while enduring on-going grief! Keep an eye on your inbox and please let me know about your own experiences with grief and loss. A burden shared is lighter.

Love and Light,

Christine